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Captain
The Captain, '''or Zee Captein, is the main character of the webcomic Romantically Apocalyptic. He is the egocentric commander of the Crew, consisting of: Captain, Pilot, Sniper, and Engineer. Captain is quite eccentric, seems slightly unhinged, and yet is probably the last person anyone wishes to pick a fight with. The word "Zee" before his name is a stereotype of the German accent when saying "the". Background Captain's history is sketchy, at best. Captain claims to have been born "A little girl" in "Germany". Further he tells a story about the time he was a child, when young Captain met a deranged man who wanted to "suck out Captain's precious eyeball juices with his straw". And Captain claims that he refuses to share straws with anyone due to this incident. Furthermore Captain claims the incident happened 20 years back. Since the young Captain from his memory looks hardly older than 10 years, this would mean that Captain is either in his late 20s or early 30s. Unfortunately Captain is a very unreliable source of information due to his illgical leaps of fantasy. What is confirmed is, that Captain was the subject of 'Project 7',' which aimed to find the luckiest person on earth. Due to this he was raised to the rank of a captain and was allowed access to ANNET's Core Room, where he proceeded to spill hot tea on the servers. This caused ANNET to malfunction and attempt to reprogram or kill every human in existence. Dr. Gromov and a few others escaped presumably due to their admin privileges. How Captain escaped is unclear, but it was possibly due to his trademark luck. While the Captain tends to speak with a Germanic Accent, it was noted by the Sniper that the Captain uses a voice changer, although for what reason is unknown as most of the population is gone to not warrent the need for one. Appearance Zee Captain is clad in a heavy, dark grey trenchcoat, black leather boots and black leather gloves. A shroud, a black gas mask with dual filters and purple goggles obscures his face. A commander's hat rests upon his head with a red band around it and a single, silver star ornament on the front side. Captain is nearly never seen without his trademark mug, which has been known to contain various liquids ranging from tea to water to sugary death water. Captain drinks by using a straw, without removing his mask. Later, he acquired what seems to be the flesh of the apocalyptic alien creature known as "Cancer", or The Biomatrix 117, and wears it as a scarf around his neck. In the Ancestors Story Arc, The Captain temporarily lost all of his headwear, including his scarf, but as the running gag with the Captain normally goes, any features suggesting his or her true gender are hidden from view, including what the Captains true face appears to be. Further in the arc, when Snippy crashlands on Captain, after falling from orbit, it appears that the still unmasked Captain's head is either invisible or that Captain has no face at all. Unfortunately Snippy's hand is in the way and obscuring most of the view. Gender A running gag in the comic is the uncertainty about Captain's exact gender. Captain refers to himself being a girl as well as a lad growing up, and in one comic Captain asks Sniper to "grab his boob". The comic's creator posted on his blog that male actors, female actors, and even his wife model for Captain "so Zee Captain can be ALL genders!" It is seen in one of the comics, that Captain puts on and wears a red bra, though he ''might just be a little crazy. Another hint that Captain might be a female appears in Snippy's blog entry from the time when his memories were read by The Biomass, however, these memories are jumbled so it might not be true: He refers to Pilot and Captain as 'the green-eyed man-child-robot' and 'the purpled-eyed girl', respectively. Pilot, too, might think of Captain as female, as suggested by his letter to Mr. Snippy in the whale. According to Captain's song, in and of itself The Captain's version of the famous song "Que Sera Sera", the lines ♪We've altered your DNA, we've twisted your chromosomes!♪ might refer to the possibility that Captain was born female, but was changed to male, possibly for survival: ♪You'll outlive us all, you'll outlive us all!♪, as he may have certainly did, provided most of civilization is now dead and gone. Personality The Captain is probably the second least sane of the crew, right behind Pilot . Zee Captain is fanciful and absent minded, but is also extremely hard to best - no matter how bad the situation seems to become, Captain has managed to escape a multitude of dangerous enemies, including an angry cult and a horde of Cancer-zombies - however, the latter was only thanks to the intervention of Sniper, who was captured as a result.Captain seems to suffer from a permanent Deus Ex Machina complex - no matter how bad the situation becomes, Captain is always able to save the day. It is likely that this is the primary trait which made him a perfect candidate for Project 7. Skills and Equipment T he Captain's primary weapon, if it can be called that, is his mug filled with scalding to scorching hot coffee, tea or water. He has at least once used its incredibly hazardous contents to disable an alien robot. According to Snippy's journal, Captain has also used it to threaten subordinates into submission when they refused to carry out a particular mission. For a brief period, Captain was in possession of a slice of very stale - and presumably radioactive - cake. When threatened, Captain was able to throw this cake with enough force and accuracy to kill an alien invader through its helmet. Captain is also shown to have a "magic satchel", often pulling things, such as a mustache over his gas mask, out of nowhere. Captain's face is as much a mystery as Pilot's; they are the only two cast members who have not been unmasked, although it is dubious whether Stalky counts as a cast member. However, it seems even his face is a weapon, as he caused an Alien's head to explode merely by his gazing upon it. The Captain appears to be a living 404 Error. It seems impossible (at least for hostile aliens) to scan, detect or lock on Captain with technology. So far, the first group of alien invaders, the Biomatrix 117 and the Arbitrator all had the same problems finding or targeting Captain, and Annet's reprogrammed Pilot even calls the Captain "the untracable one", hinting Annet couldn't find Captain either. According to Mr. Snippy's Geiger-counter, Captain is the single most radioactive object in the wasteland. Extensively, The Captain also seems to be able to defy the laws of everything. Incredibly, the Captain is able to stand before a black hole, unaffected by the vacuum. He apparently had drunk the vortex dry with his Straw. He was also able to save Sniper and the Biomatrix after they landed on him, and was unaffected by it in any way. The Mug The Captain's mug has, as of , shown to be an assassin hired by an unknown party to kill the Captain along with several other (probably robotic) objects, namely a ladybug and the straw. it is unknown if Captain knows about this or not. This is another display of Captain's constant luck. Even such a powerful force such as the Mug was incapable of killing him, stating that "it needed more time." The Mug was even able to destroy one of the highest authorities of the Union (the Arbitrator, who even had the authority to summon a black hole to consume the planet) instantly.